A DOA Mash Up!
by SpeedsterRachii
Summary: My collection of random DOA one/two shots. First chapter up. Rated T for content... review if you like it :


**AN: I really wanted to write something with DOA after reading zillions of fics about it, so, I'll make this little series and when I think of random one shots of DOA, I'll put it in here. Hope you like it AND I DONT OWN DEAD OR ALIVE! OR ANYTHING I HAVE TALKED ABOUT IN THIS FIC (WEBSITES FOR EXAMPLE)!  
>Also, this is purely humour so don't take this seriously as the characters in this are very OOC!<br>By the way, a small yuri warning in the beginning.  
>Kay, read on guys... and girls... and other...<strong>

A DOA Mash up!  
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1: One heck of a crazy day

[Kasumi] Ayane, I really need to tell you something...

[Ayane] What is it, Kasumi?

[Kasumi] I love you. I mean, I'm in love with you and I have been for a long time!

[Ayane] Oh Kasumi, I have felt the same way. I've never wanted to hunt you or kill you. I was forced into it, but I do love you and I have since I've known you!

[Kasumi] I'm so happy Ayane!

[Ayane] Me too sis! I love you!

[Kasumi] And I love you too Ayane!

"...Ok, what in the world is going on here?"

"Yeah, that's what I'd like to know! Zack! Brad!"

"Ahhhh!"

The two scared fighters jumped out of their skin when they turned around to see Kasumi and Ayane standing behind them, and they certainly didn't look like happy bunnies.

"What is this?" Kasumi wondered, leaning forwards to get a closer look at what was on the computer screen. She studied the screen carefully, and noticed the full conversation that had been going on moments before. Her face suddenly changed and she took a step back. Ayane noticed her half sister's expression, and sharpened her eyes to see the screen as Zack and Brad were sweating bullets in front of them.

"What have you-..." Ayane stopped dead when she realised what had happened. She saw the whole conversation and took note of the website address.

"Well... Zack... Brad..." Ayane whispered, turning to look at them. She had a stare that could kill, or at least set someone on fire. "Explain yourself!"

"Ahh!" They yelled, fearful of what would become of them.

"I would do what she says boys," Kasumi began, with as much venom in her voice as Ayane, "Otherwise we'll both make out a death note in your names!"

Another girlish scream echoed around the room.

"We can do this the easy way..." Ayane whispered, producing a kunai and holding it up to their faces, "Or the hard way..."

There was silence, apart from the shivers going up Zack and Brad's spines. After a few moments of not being able to answer, Ayane shoved the blade even closer.

"OK OK! We'll tell you!" Zack yelled, not being able to take any more.

"Well... go on..." The girls said at the same time.

"Ok... Um, well..." Zack quickly continued after seeing Ayane reach for another kunai. "We made accounts on Club Penguin with your names and we started a conversation, y'know, as a joke..."

"And how would that be funny, Zack?" Kasumi asked.

"It was just a prank! We wont do it again! Right Brad?"

"Uh, yeah, right." Brad added, in an always-drunk state. 

Ayane looked down on them, almost pitifully. "Delete the accounts." She stated. That was an order. Suddenly Kasumi, using her ninja speed, shifted from the back of the room, to the front and bent down so she was the same height as Zack and Brad. "Do it." She said. Zack and Brad each noticed the hidden venom in her voice and were so scared of it, they spun around to the computer screen and did as they were told.

"Good. Now don't do it again," Ayane said almost happily as if she was a mother scolding her children. "Or we'll slaughter you!" She added in a happy tone, obviously meaning what she said. A second later, the two ninja spun out of the room with such speed, the two left could barely see them.

"N-Note to self..." Zack stuttered, still scared for his life. "Don't ever prank Ayane or Kasumi..."

"You got that right..." Brad slurred, looking to the wine bottle in his hand. "Oh crap, I'm outta bottle... Can you go get me some?"

"No way dude, get it yourself. I have way better things to do!"

"Yeah, like what?" Brad asked, staring at Zack with a straight face.

"I have to spy on Ti- Uhhh... I mean... I'm going to look at Tina... closely... from a distance... with binoculars... for a long time... and watch her every move... and follow her wherever she goes... alone... Anyway see ya!" Zack quickly raced out of the room and Brad was left alone with an empty bottle, deciding whether he should put enough effort into walking to the cellar to get another bottle of wine.

"Oh my gosh, this cake, is gonna taste so amazing! I applaud myself for cooking it! I can imagine the response; thank you Lei-Fang. Oh your welcome Lei-fang! Er, except without my name twice... I really need to get some friends... and car insurance... I mean, I don't own a car, but that guy in the commercial was really good looking... Oh, stop talking to yourself and finish making the chocolate icing!"

Kokoro suddenly appeared in the kitchen and jumped in front of Lei-fang, startling her.

"Kokoro! I almost dropped the icing!"

"Ooh, icing..." Kokoro said, reaching for the bowl full of chocolately-ness, until Lei-Fang slapped her hand away.

"Don't touch! You may look at it, but don't you lay a finger on my baby!" She yelled, pushing the bowl well away from Kokoro's reach.

"Ouch, you didn't need to hit me so hard... Wait, your baby?" Kokoro shifted her eyes from the icing to Lei-Fang, and really didn't see the resemblance.

"Yes! This cake is all I have, I have to make it perfect so everyone will love it! Now, if all your going to do is stare at my work, I suggest you do something else."

Kokoro sighed, "You really need to get some friends..." She replied, walking out of the kitchen door.

"I know..." Lei-Fang whispered to herself, at the brink of tears, "I know..."

"Just shoot him you son of a-! Damnit!" There was a loud thud as a PS3 controller was thrown to the floor.

"Woot! I won! I'm the greatest! Woohoo, yeah, yeah, woohoo, yeah, yeah!" Hayate yelled, jumping up and dancing around the room. 

"I hate this game so much..." Came a dark scowl from the middle of the room.

"Oh come on Bayman, it's not that bad!"

"That's only because you won, and because the stupid controls wouldn't work!"

"That's just a bad excuse, you just lack the skill. Oh, and the natural born talent!" Hayate was still leaping around triumphantly. All he did was beat Bayman at a video game, it didn't mean anything, right? _Wrong! _

"At least I have a life! I actually assassinate people in real life instead of locking myself up to play a crappy video game which is nothing like the real thing!" Bayman trudged over to the spot on the floor where the probably broken controller was. He picked it up and weighed it in his hands.

"Your just jealous!" Hayate yelled back, grinning like mad. Bayman suddenly had a thought as his eyes shifted back and forth to the places Hayate was bouncing around.

"I wonder, if you throw this hard enough," Bayman muttered to himself, staring at the item in his hand, "could you knock someone out...?" He was about to do it, but then he thought about the consequences; if he broke the controller he would have to pay for a new one. He shook the idea out of his head and put the item back in it's place. He turned to walk out of the living room to do something that didn't involve a jumping Hayate. He was just about to leave, when he twisted back around to say his final words. "By the way," He began in his normal tone of voice, "Call of Duty is for sissies, you wanna play a good game? Be in a frickin' real war." He then left, leaving Hayate stood still watching his new enemy stomp off. He waited a moment, then went back to start a new game.

Tina was slouched in one of the comfortable chairs in the living room watching television. She was watching one of her favourite programs, and was enjoying it too, until Christie walked in. She walked around the room for a while until she finally spotted Tina, and that was only when Tina asked her what she was doing.

"Well, you just gonna walk around like a loner?"

"Better than joining you, watching whatever kind of crap you watch nowadays."

"HEY! This show is really, really good! Don't you dare offend it!" Tina shot back twisting her head to meet Christie's glare.

"What show is it anyway?" Christie asked, not really bothered no matter the response.

"It's only America's next top model!" Tina exclaimed happily.

"What are you watching that rubbish for? Are the people on there your idols or something?" Asked a rather uninterested Christie.

"Uh, no." Came the reply, as if Christie was meant to know that. "I watch it because while I'm looking at all the models, I seem so much thinner in comparison!"

"Yeah..." Christie mumbled, "...seem..."

"Hey! I know I'm thin, I'm like, the hottest gal in this whole building!"

"That rhymed..." Christie muttered.

"Yeeaaahh, it did! I am such a poet! Hey Christie, I'm so awesome so you can shove that up ya-" Tina stopped when she realised Christie wasn't in the room anymore. She shrugged and carried on watching her favourite program.

"Oh my gosh! She is so fat I could a land a plane on her!" Tina yelled, at the seemingly thin model on the television screen.

"Hmm... this way..? Maybe it should be this way... nope, the other way looks better..."

"What're you doing up there...?" A surprised Jann Lee asked, looking up at a figure lying alone on the rooftop, staring straight up.

"Hm? Oh, you. I'm just doing this..."

"And what would 'this' be...?

"This." The figure said, flipping the item over to reveal a drawing, probably of the sky.

"Why are you drawing all of a sudden? You never draw." Jann Lee said, answering his curiosity.

"I wanted a change, it's boring over here. That's why I'm drawing the sun..."

"The sun?"

"Yup."

"You're not meant to look at the sun!"

"That's why I have my shutter shades." The man held up a pair of shades from who-knows-where since he did have any pockets.

"But they're not going to help you! #if you stare at the sun, you could go blind or something!" Jann Lee exclaimed back. He then heard a quiet chuckle from above.

"Pfft. You really thought I would look at the sun if I was going to draw it? You're an idiot, Jann."

"What? You weren't even-? When you-? Oh doesn't matter... Sometimes Ryu, I just don't get you.." Jann Lee went back inside after that.

Another chuckle.

"You really are an idiot Jann..." Ryu muttered to himself, putting the piece of paper he showed Jann to one side, revealing another piece of paper underneath. He picked up his pencil and finished etching in the birds, then he held the paper against the light. It was a stunning work of art of the town below. Who knew Ryu was an amazing artist?

"A real idiot..."

"GIMME YOUR MONEY OR DIE BITCH!"

"Brad... what the hell?"

"Oh hey there ladyyy... don't worry I'll save you..!"

"Wait. No, brad! This wasn't part of the plan- ! NononononononNOnoNONONO!"

And so, a struggling Zack was left helpless on the floor, as a very drunk Brad had enough effort in him to actually get another bottle of wine and got so drunk, he actually fell and crashed down on top of Zack.

"Ouch."

**AN: So... what did you think of that? Weird right? I know, I wrote it, that's why. If you want anymore crazy random things going on, just say and I'll write more chapters. Other than that, this fic will be the home of my random DOA one or two shots (that will be normal and wont be as weird as this one) So if I get the craving to write DOA stuff, (like now) I'll post it here. Review if you liked it. More stories coming real soon (I'm about half way through writing the 1st chapter of a new Ikariship fic :D) Byez! **


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